Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
