i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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