oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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