why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Randomize
