Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
