good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
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