My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
