Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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