is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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