So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
So squirting runs in the family.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
