Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
