sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
