Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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