I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
