and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
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yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
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I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
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