My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
Randomize
