Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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