He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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