just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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