Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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