You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
