So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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