Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
