You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
