So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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