I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
