..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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