I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Randomize
