I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
did i just pee glitter
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Randomize
