He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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