if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
