Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
