Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
