how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
