Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
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