Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
