My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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