I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
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