last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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