If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
