I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
