it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
