Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize