Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
