Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Randomize
