At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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