in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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