Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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