I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
Randomize
