Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
