ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Randomize
