My sheets look like a crime scene.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
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