oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
Randomize
