Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
