omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
