My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
