Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
