We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Randomize
