Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
