I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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