I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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