dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize
