i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I can't turn off my feet"
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
