So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
