I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
