Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
