I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
