ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
