I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
