I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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