When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
