dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
