I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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