You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
he wants to bone in the snuggie
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
