my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
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Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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