Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
