I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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