We're facebook friends in real life
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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