well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
