just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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