Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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