I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
